The Smoking Poet Nonfiction Author Interview on June, 10 2010
The Smoking Poet: Welcome to the pages of our literary ezine, Kip. Could you give our readers a synopsis of what your book is about?
Kip Kreiling: Thank you, Zinta, for the opportunity to have this interaction with the Smoking Poet fans. My book is about the transformation that has occurred in my life. I was arrested three times before I was 10 and 11 times before I was 14. At 13, I was taken out of 2 schools, a shopping mall, and a bank in handcuffs. Because of my criminal activity, and the resulting chaos in my life, I moved 34 times from the young age of 11 to the age of 26. On average, I moved every 5 months for 15 years, in and out of jails, group homes, and street shelters, while my mother and father moved less than 4 times each. Today, I am an executive at the UnitedHealth Group, one of the largest and most respected companies in the US. I have also worked for Ford Motor, Hewlett Packard, and Vodafone. I have provided transformation and business leadership services to over 40 companies in more than 20 industries. Between my corporate, consulting, educational, and speaking engagements, I have had the opportunity to travel to nearly 200 cities in 21 countries on 4 continents. The Imposter outlines the principles that completely transformed my life.
The Smoking Poet: Why was it important to you to write this book? What is the message you hope to convey to your readers—and who do you see your readers as being?
Kip Kreiling: I had to write it. Such an amazing change has occurred in my life that I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I have simply run into too many people who do not think major change is possible. Too many people who think they have to accept what their environment has randomly given them. Too many people who are held captive by destructive habits that control their life. I have not only kicked one of these nasty habits, I have kicked many of them. I had to share with others how they can experience major positive changes in their lives as well.
I wrote the book for anyone who is looking for inspiration to help bring about a positive transformation. I teach these principles in prison and business environments. The principles can be used to turn around a business, a family, or your own life. They are human transformation principles, applicable to everyone who is open to them. When I wrote the book, I was also thinking about people who simply like reading a personal interest story, people who are quite happy and do not need a major transformation, but enjoy a visceral read.
The Smoking Poet: You have referred to your book as a “transformation memoir.” Could you tell us more about what that means?
Kip Kreiling: I took a risk with the organizational style of the book, by crossing genres. My primary motive in writing the book was to share what I have learned through my metamorphosis. However, people learn easiest when they are being entertained, so I wrapped intense experiences from my life around the principles that I was compelled to share. This was easy for me to do because I either learned the transformation principles through those experiences or the principles were substantially reinforced by them. When I finished the book, I ended up with more of a memoir than anything else – a memoir on transformation. While I took a risk by crossing genres, most the feedback I am getting indicates that taking that risk paid off.
The Smoking Poet: Why do you believe you went through what you went through? Is there reason to the madness? Do we suffer in order to learn, or is there another reason or many reasons … or is it just the way that things are?
Kip Kreiling: We are one of the primary authors of the plots in our life. We can change the story – our story. We can change who we are. At the most fundamental level, free agency means we have the power to shape our lives and the world around us. Others have the same power. They shape the world around them. If we are in their circle of power, they shape our world. I was not born as a criminal but I became one. That change was substantially driven by other people in the environment in which I was raised. Kids are particularly susceptible to the morphing power of others, bad and good. As I grew older, I became the medium of those negative influences and adversely shaped the lives of others. We are symbiotic beings. I believe in a higher power, but I believe that higher power honors our right to exercise our agency. If we want that higher power to influence our life, we have to ask for it.
The Smoking Poet: What do you see as the main reasons a percentage of our younger generation acts out in the manner that you did? What causes did you see in your life?
Kip Kreiling: I teach transformation classes on a volunteer basis in prisons, mainly youth prisons. No one can do this work for long and not notice a common theme. Most of these kids come from the same neighborhoods. I am 100% convinced that 80% of the negative behaviors are a result of the environment. No one wants to be miserable, but most only know the path they know. They learned that path in the environment in which they were raised. I demonstrated some of the most negative behaviors for many years. That disposition was not in my bones, not in my genes. How do I know? I have none of those dispositions today. I learned better paths and unlearned destructive ones.
The Smoking Poet: Tell us about that transformative moment, or moments, in your life. Does great change come in one moment of brilliance … or does it tend to come in phases, repeat lessons?
Kip Kreiling: My life was transformed through several miracles, some of which I describe in my book. Those miracles felt like sudden epiphanies, but they were not. The transformation process takes time for all of us. The downside? If you have developed highly negative habits, it will take time and effort to change them. The upside? After you develop highly positive habits, you will not lose them overnight either. We can’t have it both ways.
The Smoking Poet: Talk to us about the nature of addiction—substance, behavioral …
Kip Kreiling: This is a complicated topic. It is hard to do it justice in a paragraph, but this is what I have learned. All addictions are perpetuated by hijacked reward chemicals in our brain. All addictions push pleasure buttons in our mind. All addictions require that you push the pleasure buttons more often and for longer periods of time. In most cases, people are trying to compensate for sources of pain in their life. Unfortunately, because the pleasure buttons are overused, we lose the ability to experience pleasure through ordinary events, like a sunset. One of the greatest breakthroughs in neuroscience in the last 50 years is a concept called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity means that our brains are more like molding clay than concrete. We can reshape our brain functions through new behaviors and thinking. We can break the programmed patterns of addiction.
The Smoking Poet: An interesting section in your book tells about you as a young man touring a communist country and getting to know something of a peer who lived behind the Iron Curtain. Tell us about that experience.
Kip Kreiling: By this time in my life, I had learned that our ideas controlled us and that we can change who we are by changing our ideas. I was fortunate enough to tour East Germany right before the Berlin Wall came down. Our state-appointed tour guide (who had to be with us 24 hours a day 7 days a week) was also a college student. Like me, she was a thinker and an idealist. She was also a devout communist who had been taught to despise capitalist exploiters. We were the first Westerners she had ever met. She was convinced that the only Westerners who could travel in East Germany for several days were capitalist exploiters. When she first met us, she clearly despised us – you could see it on her face as plain as the noon-day sun. We were the evil people that her government was created to protect her from. Over the six days that we were with her, she learned that we were just normal people trying to find happiness. Her political and world view collapsed before our eyes. It was frightening to witness. We had a particularly poignant experience at the Berlin Wall that included a guard with a machine gun. Fortunately, the Berlin Wall fell and we were able to meet her six weeks later in Frankfurt – her first trip outside of the Soviet Union. In six days I saw someone completely change because their ideas changed.
The Smoking Poet: What was the most difficult lesson for you to learn?
Kip Kreiling: The most difficult lesson for me to learn, and to remember, is to let people help me. I was emotionally abandoned at an early age and learned to rely on myself. Self reliance is good, but for most of us, our greatest weakness is our greatest strength overplayed. So it is for me, my self reliance often prevents me from getting help from others, even when I desperately need it, which is often. Chapter six in my book talks about how I overcame this particular problem, but I still have to work at it.
The Smoking Poet: Now that you are a parent yourself, looking back, what advice can you offer to parents when their child goes astray? What should a parent do and understand about their child?
Kip Kreiling: More than anything people want happiness. Your children want happiness and they will ultimately follow whoever they believe can help them find it. Many parents work hard to teach their children what they believe to be correct moral principles and are dismayed when their children violate those principles. Look at your own life and ask: Are you happy? Did the “right” principles you adopted help you find happiness. If they didn’t, don’t be surprised if your children do not follow you. This is hard medicine and it requires serious self reflection and honesty. But, if you can not be honest with yourself, can you be honest with your children?
The Smoking Poet: And the rest of us, parents or not, as members of a society, what can we do to help nurture our youth? What do you see as being the main problems or obstacles in our current juvenile justice system?
Kip Kreiling: If you want to nurture youth, find happiness and show others the path that leads to it. Many will follow. As a whole, our justice system perpetuates and magnifies negative influences. Many people are incarcerated for relatively minor crimes and become hardened criminals as a result of their incarceration. Justice is a foundation stone of all moral societies and punishment is often required to inhibit negative behaviors. However, unfortunately the system may create more criminals than it heals. I believe I have a mission to help people who are suffering from this particular social illness. Most people have too many other challenges or opportunities in their life to invest energy solving this issue. Many people have been directed to other life missions that are just as needed and as valuable, which is a great thing. For everyone who reads this, I would only ask that you try to see a “criminal” as the great person they can become versus the people they were.
The Smoking Poet: Unless we have someone we care about in the prison system, most of us, frankly, don’t give a cigar. Why should we care? What would you like people to understand about those in prison? Is rehabilitation possible—at any age?
Kip Kreiling: I worked hard to make my book relevant to the general population. In fact, I have been surprised to find that the people who appreciate my book the most are people who have reached high levels of success. The principles in my book seem to give them the words that describe how they succeeded. Even if you do not care about people in prison, you may find that my book is helpful for you, or for the non-criminals in your life, who are trying to find their best self. Rehabilitation is possible at any age for all of us!
The Smoking Poet: Where can our readers learn more about you and your book, Kip? Are you doing any book tours? Working on any more books?
Kip Kreiling: Readers can learn more about my book at www.KipKreiling.com and at Amazon. For those that are interested in the work I do in prisons and other non-profit transformation work, they can learn more at www.TransformationHelp.org. I have book tours planned in Sacramento in July, Denver in August, and D.C. in September. I am planning more books but I am currently “enjoying the moment” with this one before I start on others.
The Smoking Poet: Thank you so much, Kip. You have addressed a painful yet extremely vital topic, one that too many would like to push back into the shadows. Problems, and certainly not addictions, never get resolved in the shadows. We commend you for your courage and wish you the best in continuing to live your message and bring it to others.
Author Interview on Dames of Dialogue on April 20, 2010
Our interview today is with Kip Kreiling, author of The Imposter, a story of how one man totally changed his life—when it seemed impossible to do so.
1. As a retired social worker, I am very much interested in the experiences that informed your life. What sets you apart, in terms of how you turned the negatives into positives…and what advice would you give to young people living through tough times?
The experiences that were most instrumental in transforming my life are in The Imposter. The primary objective of the book is to share these experiences and the change principles that I learned as a consequence. What sets my transformation apart is the degree of change that has occurred in my life. I was arrested 3 times before I was 10 and 11 times before I was 14. At 13, I was taken out of 2 schools, a shopping mall, and a bank in handcuffs. Because of my criminal activity, and the resulting chaos in my life, I moved 34 times from the young age of 11 to the age of 26. On average, I moved every 5 months for 15 years, in and out of jails, group homes, and street shelters, while my mother and father moved less than 4 times each. Today, I am an executive at the United Health Group, one of the largest and most respected companies in the US. I have also worked for Ford Motor, Hewlett Packard, and Vodafone. I have provided transformation and business leadership services to over 40 companies in more than 20 industries. Between my corporate, consulting, educational, and speaking engagements, I have had the opportunity to travel to nearly 200 cities in 21 countries on 4 continents. More important to me is the fact that I have been very happily married for nearly 20 years and have 5 very happy children. The best advice I have for young people living through tough times is contained in my book. The principles in my book are clearly not the final word on human transformation, I/we have much yet to learn on this topic, but the principles transformed my life.
2. Kip, given the circumstances of your young life, and how you were later able to make big changes, it might seem only natural to do so, but I’m curious: When did you first decide to write a book?
At 21 I knew I had a story. I also believed then that I had learned principles that could help others find greater happiness. However, I did not want to be like the person who sells you a book on how to make a million dollars in real estate and you later find out that he made his million dollars selling you the book. I wanted to prove to the world and to myself that I could come from a very disadvantaged background and reach success as a normal person, with normal jobs, etc. If I really believed these principles would work, I could prove it in my own life. I have now done that. Today, I have everything I have ever dreamed of and more. I can now share the change principles in my book with confidence because I have proven that they work, using my own life as the test case.
3. How did that process start to take form?
Because I knew that I would write a book when I was 21, I have been iterating several of the principles in my book for over two decades, as well as a couple of principles that did not make it into this book. One topic that did not make it into The Imposter, but will likely be included in the next one, is regarding the nature of happiness: can it be defined; if so, what is it; how does one know when they have achieved happiness; are there models we can follow to increase happiness in our life; etc. On that principle, I have surveyed and quizzed a couple hundred people on plane trips and in other places to advance my thinking, in addition to reading several books on the topic. I followed a similar process with all of the principles that are included in The Imposter.
4. When you finally had that finished manuscript in hand, how did you go about finding a publisher?
Because the background context of The Imposter is my life story, I was not willing to sell it to anyone, so I did not submit it to any publisher. Instead, I setup my own publishing company, Transformation Help Press. While this approach brought my book to market faster (it can take 18 months from the time you sign a contract with a large publisher before your book reaches the market), I am still stumbling through several challenges that I would not have faced if I had contracted with an established publisher. I have also made many expensive mistakes. I do not regret my decision to setup my own publishing company, but I have an extensive business background, which has been invaluable. I would not recommend this path to others unless they are ready to face the challenges of running a business in addition to writing a book.
5. It seems obvious to me that the changes you made in your life evolved as a process of discovery. How did you formulate these principles?
My answer to question 3 above provides some insight into this question as well. I think it is also important to remember that life is a journey more than a destination. So it is with the acquisition of wisdom. The ideas that affect us most profoundly arise through an extended process of discovery more than they do through sudden epiphanies. Epiphanies are forgotten unless they are substantiated and fed through additional validation. This is what I experienced through my two decades of reflection in preparation to write The Imposter. It took time to fully understand the path that led to the healing of my broken mind. One analogy that I relate to when I think about that journey is the fact that one can drive from one city to another in the dark using headlights which only illuminate the next 100 yards. We do not have to see our final destination to successfully complete a long journey, sometimes we only have to see the next 100 yards. Often, we will not know which detours we have to take, because a bridge was out or a road was flooded, until we complete our journey.
6. Once you decided to write the book, how long did it take to write? How long after that until published?
As mentioned above, I worked on some of the principles in The Imposter for two decades, and all of the principles for multiple years. It then took me four years to write the book, partially because I juggled many other commitments at the same time. I published The Imposter shortly after I finished it because I published it through my own newly-created publishing company.
7. What does it feel like having that first completed published book in your hand knowing it is yours?
I have heard other artists indicate that the process of creation was so painful that they never wanted to look at a screenplay or some other artistic creation again. After iterating through the creative process so many times, they were just tired of looking at it. This has not been my experience. Even though I have been preparing for this event for two decades and spent 4 years writing and rewriting, I am very excited to have the completed book in my hands and I still love sitting down and rereading a chapter or a favorite section of the book. Of course the book was only published 6 months ago. I am sure I will lose interest as my passion is redirected to other things, but right now I still love holding the new baby.
8. Are you working on a book now?
I intend to write a couple more books, but I am currently consumed with other commitments, including marketing and selling my first book. Fortunately, I have already completed a couple of chapters that did not fit into The Imposter that I hope will fit into a future book.
9. Who is your favorite author and why?
There are too many authors who have enriched my life to name a favorite. I do have a favorite literary style. My favorite authors combine fiction with profound insights into life or human nature. I read to be informed more than to be entertained, but prefer to get both at the same time. Some of my favorite authors, who have accomplished both of these objectives well, include Tolkien, Doug Adams, Ayn Rand, and even Dean Koontz.
10. What advice would you give someone who someday hopes to write a book?
Now that my book is published and experiencing success, I am being approached by friends with this question. My first response is “do not write a book if your primary goal is to make money.” There are much easier ways to make money. For me, writing a book was a life mission – I have a message that I felt like I had to share. I believe it takes that level of commitment to get through the process. Writing a book is also more like having a child than a career. Like having a child, the book will probably take more from you than it will give to you, but you may be proud that you created it. If you go down the self published path, be aware that there are more people making money by helping authors get published than authors making money. It is kind of like the gold rush. Many people made money selling picks, shovels, and blue jeans to the miners – very few of the miners made any money. I am glad that I published my book and intend to publish another, but my primary motivations were not connected to money.
11. What can you share with us about your personal/family life today?
If you were a fly on the wall in my home today, you would immediately notice the frenetic chaos. Your first thought might be “what did this idiot get himself into?” Looking past the craziness that is my life today (because we are trying to do too many things at once), I hope you would see happiness. I believe that everyone wants to be happy and the most effective path to leadership is finding happiness yourself. If you are truly happy, people will follow you. I particularly pay attention to this principle with my 5 children and a recently adopted 17 year old (which is another story). Too many people have worked hard to raise their children with good values only to have their children take a destructive path. One of the questions you must ask yourself if you want your children to follow you is “Are you happy?” Frankly, I do not expect my children to follow me unless I am. A couple of years ago a cousin stayed at my home for a week. After being with us for a couple of days, he approached me one morning and said “do you have to be so happy all the time?” He delivered the statement as an accusation, but it was one accusation that I was proud of. If you were a fly on the wall in my home today I hope you would see that our life is too busy, but despite our busyness we have found true happiness.
12. This may seem like an odd question, but the Dames love animals. Do you have any pets, and if so, what can you tell us about them?
A dog, a rabbit, and chickens. Our dog was supposed to be a Bishon Frise. Because he was supposed to be small, we called him Hercules. Later, we planned on getting a large dog and calling him Tiny. Hercules appears to be more of a poodle than Bishon. We now have a medium sized Hercules, which screwed up our dog-naming irony plans. Last year we decided to get chickens. At first we were hesitant (we are still trying to shake off our back-woods heritage). We then found out that many yuppies are buying chickens because chickens are environmentally friendly (Yuppies? Now that’s us). Our initial strategy was to save a little money on the food bill and provide our kids with a little business selling fresh eggs to the neighbors. Our strategy went awry when we designed their home. We now have more of a chicken condo than a chicken coop and spent more money building it then we would have spend on eggs in 10 years. We enjoy our urban chicken farm, complete with a super-hero dog.
Author Interview on Book Junkie on April 12, 2010
Do you think that people can change? I have to say that I personally didn't think so, that was before I read The Imposter by Kip Kreiling. Today I am happy to have author Kip Kreiling to Book Junkie. Kip has written a book called The Imposter which I had the honor to review. Please welcome Kip today and enjoy the review and Interview.
The Imposter tells a story of Kip's life journey so far, but it is more than that, and it isn't a memoir. Kip was arrested 3 times by the age of 10, 11 times before he was 14, now when I hear that I think, "Oh boy, this kids' in for a life of crime, bad, bad news". Kip's childhood was filled with frequent moves, a serious lack of stability, drugs, being kicked out of schools, jail and abuse. In reading all that you would never imagine the success that Kip has had in his life, the power of change? Most definitely! Kip is now a successful businessman, a corporate and educational speaker and founder of the nonprofit foundation TransformationHelp.org. With his honest and raw accounts of his past and how he made it through, surviving on the streets, selling drugs and ultimately turn your life around. Step one, realize you can change and make that your #1 goal. Kip teaches you that the obstacles that are in your own mind are what holding you back, you have to believe in yourself .We are all responsible and accountable for our own lives, take ownership and control of your life, transform your life.
Within the book Kip recounts with complete honestly and detail a story about a pivotal point in his life in which he also in tandem relates one of his 8 principles. He also uses historical facts to help exemplify his 8 Principles, which actually helped put his story in perspective. In reading Kip's story I started to recognize my own negative attitude about certain things going on in my life, bringing me to the point where I knew that no one was going to help me unless I started to help myself and work towards a more productive and positive attitude. Absolutely enlightening if not startling at times, Kip's story gives hope to those who feel that they are sinking into life's black whole or know someone who does!
I am a fly on your wall today, what would I see in the day of Kip Kreiling?
You will not be able to miss the frenetic chaos. Your first thought might be “what did this idiot get himself into.” Looking past the craziness that is my life today, I hope I hope you would see happiness. I believe that everyone wants to be happy and the most effective path to leadership is finding happiness yourself. If you are truly happy, people will follow you. I particularly pay attention to this principle with my 5 children and a recently adopted 17 year old (which is another story). Too many people have worked hard to raise their children with good values only to have their children take a destructive path. One of the questions you must ask yourself if you want your children to follow you is “Are you happy?” Frankly, I do not expect my children to follow me unless I am. A couple of years ago a cousin stayed at my home for a week. After being with us for a couple of days, he approached me one morning and said “do have to be so happy all the time?” He delivered the statement as an accusation, but it was one accusation that I was proud of. I hope you would see the same thing.
Can you tell the readers a little about The Imposter?
I was arrested three times before I was 10 and 11 times before I was 14. At 13, I was taken out of 2 schools, a shopping mall, and a bank in handcuffs. Because of my criminal activity, and the resulting chaos in my life, I moved 34 times from the young age of 11 to the age of 26. On average, I moved every 5 months for 15 years, in and out of jails, group homes, and street shelters, while my mother and father moved less than 4 times each. Today, I am an executive at the UnitedHealth Group, one of the largest and most respected companies in the US. I have also worked for Ford Motor, Hewlett Packard, and Vodafone. I have provided transformation and business leadership services to over 40 companies in more than 20 industries. Between my corporate, consulting, educational, and speaking engagements, I have had the opportunity to travel to nearly 200 cities in 21 countries on 4 continents. The Imposter outlines the principles that I used to completely transform my life.
What inspired you to write a The Imposter?
I had to write it. Such an amazing change has occurred in my life that I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I have simply run into too many people, including many people of faith, who do not think major human change is possible. Too many people who think they have to accept what their environment randomly gave them. Too many people who are held captive by some destructive habit or another that controls their life. I have not only kicked one nasty habit, I have kicked many of them. I had to share with others how they can experience major positive changes in their life as well.
Can you tell the readers a little more about the 8 principles of human transformation that you described in your book?
I do not want to outline the principles in this interview and spoil the reading experience for those who have not read the book. Instead, I will provide some general insights to the principles. Some of the principles seem obvious, but the most powerful ideas in life are the ones that feel self-evident after you learn them. The ones where you say to yourself “well, of course that’s true.” Principles that are self-evident are more likely to impact your life because they are easy to accept. One of the principles in the book is “by changing our ideas we change who we are.” Many who have written Amazon reviews about the principles in The Imposter have said “these ideas can change your life.” The principles certainly changed mine.
You use historical facts to help exemplify your points in reference to your 8 Principles, what influenced you to go in that directions compared to a strict memoir style of writing?
The last thing that I want people to think after they read my book is that I am somehow special. I want them to visualize that what I experienced can happen to them. One of my favorite Amazon reviews of The Imposter says this “Kip doesn't seem to believe that he is extraordinary, and is intent on sharing his thoughts behind how this transformation was accomplished. Indeed one thing which comes across in the book is a great deal of humility. He seems to say, ‘I am not special. You can change your life too.’” I want readers to finish each chapter of my book by thinking “I could do this too.” To accomplish this purpose, I use historical accounts from the lives of other people as well as psychology studies that prove my experiences are not unique.
As you do a lot of public speaking, what is the most surprised reaction you have received once your audience learns about your story?
Many people are surprised because there is nothing about me today that would suggest that I had a severe criminal history. For example, at the beginning of this month, my boss met with me to tell me he was leaving the company (which made me sad because I loved working for him). I told him that I also had a secret. I told him about my book and my difficult youth (I had not yet found a reason to tell him about either). He responded “Of all the people in the company, you are the last one that I would have suspected to have such a horrific background.” He also went to Amazon and bought my book that very day. His comment is more dramatic because I work for UnitedHealth Group, which employees 80,000 people. Many people respond to me in this way – because I have completely changed.
Can you tell the readers a little about TransformationHelp.org the nonprofit foundation you founded?
I set up TransformationHelp.org to advance the science of human transformation. Eventually, the foundation will focus on multiple aspects of human transformation. Today, we focus on teaching personal transformation classes in prisons, on a volunteer basis.
What do you have in the works, are you planning on another book or are you focusing on your foundation and speaking engagements?
My life is currently too frenetic because I am doing all three, in addition to my corporate leadership roles, caring for my family, and other community commitments. I am looking forward to a time that is less crazy, but feel compelled to do all of these things right now. To some degree the following quote applies to me “find a job that you love and you will never work a day in your life.” While my life is currently too frenetic, I love most of what I am doing and I am energized by it.